People who do lots of work.make lots of mistakes, People who
do less work.make less mistakes, People who do no work.make no mistakes, People
who make no mistakes.get promoted.
U luv sumone... u marry sumone else. The one u marry becomes
ur wife or husband & the one u loved becomes the password of your emai
id...!
A little girl to her mother: "Mom! i have come to know
the boy next door have a pennes like a peanut" Mom: " Do you mean its
little" girl: " No Mom! Its salty."
Teacher:Oxygen is must for Breathing . It was discovered in
1773. Sardar:Thank God I was born after that . Pehla Paida hota to mar hi jata
.
The world thineest book has only one word written in
it"EVERYTHING" and the bok is tittled by "WHAT WOMAN WANT "
Years ago i came in2 dis world naked & screaming My
goodness, now things have changed when im naked somebody else does the
screaming.
Home : A place where you can scratch where it itches. Doctor
: A person who cures the ills by pills, and kills by his bills. LOVE : Loss Of
Valuable Energy WIFE : Worries Invited For Ever
Be quiet in the
classroom, respect the fact that others sleep!
If I can be of
any help, you're in worse trouble than I thought.
What do I
miss about my wife? Her absence.
The IDEAL man does not smoke,
does not drink, does not flirt, goes to bed early, in short ... does
not exist
Some people live because it is illegal to kill them!
Without
the rubber tree the whole world would have AIDS
The greatest
lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes
If
you can't change your mind, are you sure you still have one?
Marriage
is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have
preferred.
Mobile phones are the only things in live of which men
talk about having the smallest.
When I was young I begged God for
a bike, but God does not work that way... so I stole a bike and begged
for forgiveness!
No-one loves hard work more than the one who
pays for it.
What do you have in common with your husband ? "
We married on the same day."
What is the thinnest book in the
world? What Men Know About Women.
I'm not into working out.
My philosophy: No pain. No pain.
Getting an other boyfriend or
husband is like buying a house. You have to improve yourself.
A sardar falls in luv wit a nurse.. After much thinking, he
finally writes a luv letter 2 her: "I LUV U SISTER"
Lady : So, you want to become my son-in-law? Boy: Not
really, but I don't see any other way 2 marry ur daughter!
This is not fair! How could u do this? Didn't expect this
from you! Got a whole Channel on ur name and didn't even tell me? Animal
Planet!
Phonebook Dilemma Why r there no phone books in China? Coz
there r so many Wing's and Wong's, they r afraid u will Wing the Wong number.
Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatoes 5
days ago, he hasn't come back yet! Santa: Why don't u cook something else. .
How True.. .A cigarette shortens your life by 2 min, a beer
shortens your life by 4 minutes, a working day shortens your life by 8 hours!
Well, they do say opposites attract… So I sincerely hope you
meet somebody who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cultured. Gud Day!
Two frinds,who hadn’t seen each other in several years, met
on the street. 1st: Who are u working 4 now? 2nd: Same people, My wife & 4
children.
A women’s prayer:
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him and
Patience for his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for strength, I’ll beat him to
death!
Dog is truly a man’s best friend. If you don’t believe it,
just try this experiment: Lock your dog and your girlfriend in the boot of the
car for an hour. When you open the boot, which one is really happy to see you?
1.You're
very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of
showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
2.Large, loft-style apartments in New York City
are well within the price range of most people whether they are employed or
not.
3.It
does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial
arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing
around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
4.At
least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
5.When
you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be
clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
6.Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't
worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.
7.Honest
and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before
their retirement.
8.Most laptop computers are powerful enough to
override communications system of any invading alien society.
9.If
you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear
fission at the age of 22.
10.Rather
than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their archenemies using
complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers,
and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to
escape.
11.All
beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach up to the armpit level on a
woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
12.During
all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least
once.
13.All
grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
14.Once
applied, lipstickwill never rub off
even while scuba diving.
15.It's
easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower
to talk you down.
16.When
they are alown, all foreign military officers prefer to speak to each other in
English.
17.The
Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
18.If
a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before
long.
19.A
man will show no pain while takingthe
most ferocious beating but will whine when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
20.If
staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in
their most revealing underwear.
21.Even
when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the
steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments. Tires will
squeal on any surface, at any speed.
22.Word
processors never display a cursor on screen, butwill always say: "Enter Password
Now"
23.All bombs are fitted with electronic timing
devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go
off.
24.A
detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
25.Police
departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are
deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
26.If
you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all the
steps.
Any body passing through solid matter will leave a
perforation conforming to its perimeter.
Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is
the speciality of victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless
cowards who are so eager to escape that they exit directly through the wall of
a house, leaving a cookie-cutout-perfect hole. The threat of skunks or
matrimony often catalyzes this reaction.
Cartoon Law II
Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made
aware of its situation.
Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland.
He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down.
At this point, the familiar principle of 32 feet per second takes over.
Cartoon Law III
Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid
matter intervenes suddenly.
Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on foot,
cartoon characters are so absolute in their momentum that only a telephone pole
or an outsize boulder retards their forward motion absolutely. Sir Isaac Newton
called this sudden termination of motion the stooge's surcease.
Cartoon Law IV
All principles of gravity are negated by fear.
Psychic forces are sufficient in most bodies for a shock to
propel them directly away from the earth's surface. A spooky noise or an
adversary's signature sound will induce motion upward, usually to the cradle of
a chandelier, a treetop, or the crest of a flagpole. The feet of a character
who is running or the wheels of a speeding auto need never touch the ground,
especially when in flight.
Cartoon Law V
The time required for an object to fall twenty stories is
greater than or equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it off the ledge
to spiral down twenty flights to attempt to capture it unbroken.
Such an object is inevitably priceless, the attempt to
capture it inevitably unsuccessful.
Cartoon Law VI
As speed increases, objects can be in several places at
once.
This is particularly true of tooth-and-claw fights, in which
a character's head may be glimpsed emerging from the cloud of altercation at
several places simultaneously. This effect is common as well among bodies that
are spinning or being throttled. A `wacky' character has the option of
self-replication only at manic high speeds and may ricochet off walls to
achieve the velocity required.
Cartoon Law VII
Any violent rearrangement of feline matter is impermanent.
Cartoon cats possess even more deaths than the traditional
nine lives, might comfortably afford. They can be decimated, spliced,splayed,
accordion-pleated, spindled, or disassembled, but they cannot be destroyed.
After a few moments of blinking self pity, they reinflate, elongate, snap back,
or solidify. Corollary: A cat will assume the shape of its container.
Cartoon Law VIII
Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to
resemble tunnel entrances; others cannot.
This trompe l'oeil inconsistency has baffled generations,
but at least it is known that whoever paints an entrance on a wall's surface to
trick an opponent will be unable to pursue him into this theoretical space. The
painter is flattened against the wall when he attempts to follow into the
painting. This is ultimately a problem of art, not of science.
Cartoon Law IX
For every vengeance there is an equal and opposite
revengeance.
This is the one law of animated cartoon motion that also
applies to the physical world at large. For that reason, we need the relief of
watching it happen to a duck instead.
